The Bed and Breakfast man: If I was a...

I've taken this meme from Sarcasmo. Being such a polite girl she offered to share.

According to the rules, now that I'm “it” I have to continue the meme, and then make others “it”. The meme is to pick five of the professions below and finish the sentence.

Feel free to pick it up and run with it. If you do, leave me a comment so as I can take a peek.

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an inn-keeper...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a world famous blogger...
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be married to any current famous political figure...
If I could be a dog trainer...

I will tag two bloggers whose answers would interest me, but I will not reveal their names unless they participate, should they find the idea abhorrent.

1. If I could be a musician...

I would campaign for the recognition of the humble kazoo. I wouldn't play it mind you, daft thing that it is, but I would ensure that that humble plastic instrument was given its rightful place in the history of popular music. I would actually learn to play the guitar and piano, two instruments on which I can get the rudimentary rhythm of a song out of, and make an honest attempt to read music, or Japanese, whichever is easiest.

The question didn't specify what level of fame my musicianship had achieved, and with a well-balanced sense of id I am going to assume that I have achieved the level where newspapers refer to the Beatles as the worlds second best band. The power of my fame and money would provide me the opportunity to embrace all manner of philanthropic pursuits such as saving rain forests, feeding the poor and ensuring that everyone in the world has a good book, a cup of tea and a cat.

2. If I could be a gardener...

Then I would want to at least work at, or more preferably own a big manor house in the country where I could plant a garden to rival Villandry, Kew and my Grandmother's. I do love the feel of loamy soil underneath my fingernails, and watching something beautiful and living grow just before taming it to my specifications fulfils a part of my megalomaniacal nature perfectly.

Part of the garden would be a huge hedge maze that included grotto's, tunnels, magic gardens and an area in the centre that had a hidden trap door to my manor, exiting through a false bookshelf in the library.

3. If I could be a missionary...

I would point out that there are so many more positions.

4. If I could be an inn-keeper...

I would be.

But it would have to be an Inn in England in somewhere between the 17th and 19th centuries. It would be on a road to and from somewhere, but without a town around it. All travellers would be obliged by distance and time to stop for the night, be they highwayman, clergy, tradesmen or Royalty. I would record each experience in writing, requiring a story from each guest. I would brew and serve my own beer and sell good solid food for the travellers whose stagecoaches were in my coach house. Sooner or later the Inn would become the destination; a meeting house of people sharing stories and good food in a twist on the Chaucerian theme.

5. If I could be a writer...

I would be surprised. I do write. My hard drive is nearly full of semi novels, but I refuse to suffer the wrote rejection of the publishing houses. I have however one tome which shows promise. Perhaps this question will become a statement one of these days.