My laptop and I have been seeking relationship counselling. It just hasn't been good between us for the last three or four months. I decided to put it aside and just use the desktop, (which is older, slower, has no CD burning software and is therefore completely reliable), but now I'm off to Queensland next week I need it to dial into work for stuff. Stuff like paying wages. Staff are just so bloody picky.
I meant for weeks to take it to my IT guy. Finally I managed to get it to him without the power cable, or the software that is causing the problem and making any attempt to go on the net a nightmare. He mumbled magical incantations over it, called for the power of Intel, expelled the daemons, healed it with a touch and said the word proxy a lot.
Actually it may have been "poxy". He was never fond of this brand, especially as I didn't buy it off him.
He pronounced it shriven and clean, brought it back and plugged it in to the cable that I still had with me. The battery had got pretty low, and he wanted to ensure that it all worked well on the network at the office. He turned it on and as if by magic the screen flickered into life with a message stating that the hardware and the operating system were no longer friends, and were going their separate ways.
I gibbered. I'm off in two days. I need my puter.
He asked if I had given him the right power cable. I asked him how many laptops he thought I had, and how a power cable could cause such a problem. He said something about RAM, ROM, network cards, batteries, the amount of money that would be required to visit Switzerland for his next holiday and said I should go away on Tuesday next week instead of Friday this week as he absolutely positively might be able to look at it by then.
Obviously misunderstanding my plight I reiterated it in Haiku.
He left with the laptop, cable and software and a promise not to leave the country, but refused to surrender his passport.