The President is hip and the Wiggles are in trouble. And there's nothing higher than DEFCON 1 to cope with the crisis.
President George W has My Sharona on his iPod. The question being bandied about downunder is, "Does he know the lyrics", and if so what does that say about the devoutly Christian leader of America.
Lets face it. Take a white, straight man, give him a good beat and that's a job well done. We cannot, as it is said, jump. Dancing is way off the scale. Shuffling around on the dance floor, avoiding the toes of your partner and trying not to elbow your neighbour is pretty much the expected limit. Try to keep up with lyrics and the result is carnage.
"Ah. Mr President, the commies have just fired nuclear weapons at us and we have less than a minute to react".
"Touch of the younger kind! What does that mean Condoleeza"?
"Sir. we have a situation here".
""When you gonna give it to me, give it to me"? Give me what, Connie, am I missing something here"?
In Australia we don't even know all the lyrics to the national anthem.
The Wiggles only make matters worse. Apparently they are using undesirable words in front of Americas youth. Words like "G'day" and "Mate".
I don't truly see a problem here. All I know of America I have learned through cross culture. Whilst I admit that I have no idea which way to wear a baseball cap, (what is baseball by the way?), I am, for example, aware via the clothes often worn by local adolescents of the fact that Chicago is a cattle stud where people revere bulls like the ancient Cretians at Knossos, that Rugby should be played with helmets and shoulder pads, that zee should be pronounces zed, cheque spelled check and that the letter "U" is no longer an active member of the alphabet.
Imagine if it worked the other way and America regularly quoted Aunty Jack and,... well that's about it really. (I'll rip your bloody arms off).
I know that all of their cars are huge and are driven by all four wheels, bigger even than their meals; that every abode has a doorman and that everyone carries a gun slung low on their hip cowboy style. The Cookie Monster has been ousted by Elmo, extra terrestrials all live in area 51, and Texas is the worlds biggest place at 266807 square miles (691027 square kilometres), whilst New South Wales is a tiny 309653 square miles (802000 square kilometres).
Nightly I can watch SVU in all it's forms, the Simpson's runs up to three times a night, our children have for years been indoctrinated by Sesame street, (myself included and we only have five channels) and I yearn for a car with bouncy suspension.
The main problem is that all American men called Jeff will be without sleep until their children advance to an age where the Wiggles are just a memory.
After me boys and girls. "Don't come the raw prawn with me you fair dinkum dag".