What do you get the Godson that has everything? Tomorrow, March 3rd, he
will be a full 365 days old, and well on his way to being old enough to
indulge in sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. At least thats my memory of kindergarten.
I have racked my tiny little brain for the right gift. As you can tell by the photos, ol' spongebob squareface has easy access to an array of high quality elf headgear, and currently has no need for a toupee. Regardless of the photographic evidence presented he still has his hands (I didn't eat them) and is generally a well focused individual.
Gift ideas that had crossed my mind were his very own video recorder and matching toaster, a subscription to Swank (He's a breast man), a megaphone cause he's so quiet, or a small tactical nuclear device.
Then the answer came to me, and yea verily I saw that the answer was good. Bloody good. What bloke doesn't want a stripper at his party? What a thing to boast of when he understands what it means. I am ashamed to say that the idea came not from my own evil intellect but was suggested by someone who shall for the sake of my life remain nameless. By the way do you like the photo of his Mum when she was pregnant? Nuff said.
Ok. Now the screen goes all vortexy, swirling, swirling, and you are transported back to the eighties. JtH came back to Australia after some years in Europe. At his new high school he met the Big Friendly Giant (BFG) and like bread and butter or Simon and Simon, a relationship was born.
BFG's Mum (Bulldozer boy's Grandma) has always had a special place on her mantelpiece for my balls. She thinks I led her precious bundle of joy astray in pubs, tattoo parlour's and with an array of scantily clad women, when in actual fact we spent all of our Friday and Saturday nights on our knees in St Andrews Cathedral. (Actually, that doesn't sound any better does it? I'm going to hell aren't I?).
BFG (who lives upstairs in my building) was being visited by his parents the other day. His brother also turned up. My balcony is over the front door so he stopped for a quick chat. When he left he looked up, smiled and said that the stripper idea was great. Aghast I asked if his mother knew. His smile just got broader.
I'll be claiming sanctuary at St Andrews if anyone needs me.