Happy Birthday Baby

What do you get the Godson that has everything? Tomorrow, March 3rd, he will be a full 365 days old, and well on his way to being old enough to indulge in sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. At least thats my memory of kindergarten.

I have racked my tiny little brain for the right gift. As you can tell by the photos, ol' spongebob squareface has easy access to an array of high quality elf headgear, and currently has no need for a toupee. Regardless of  the photographic evidence presented he still has his hands (I didn't eat them) and is generally a well focused individual.

Gift ideas that had crossed my mind were his very own video recorder and matching toaster, a subscription to Swank (He's a breast man),  a megaphone cause he's so quiet, or a small tactical nuclear device.

Then the answer came to me, and yea verily I saw that the answer was good. Bloody good. What bloke doesn't want a stripper at his party? What a thing to boast of when he understands what it means. I am ashamed to say that the idea came not from my own evil intellect but was suggested by someone who shall for the sake of my life remain nameless. By the way do you like the photo of his Mum when she was pregnant? Nuff said.

Ok. Now the screen goes all vortexy, swirling, swirling, and you are transported back to the eighties. JtH came back to Australia after some years in Europe. At his new high school he met the Big Friendly Giant (BFG) and like bread and butter or Simon and Simon, a relationship was born.

BFG's Mum (Bulldozer boy's Grandma) has always had a special place on her mantelpiece for my balls. She thinks I led her precious bundle of joy astray in pubs, tattoo parlour's and with an array of scantily clad women, when in actual fact we spent all of our Friday and Saturday nights on our knees in St Andrews Cathedral. (Actually, that doesn't sound any better does it? I'm going to hell aren't I?).

BFG (who lives upstairs in my building) was being visited by his parents the other day. His brother also turned up. My balcony is over the front door so he stopped for a quick chat. When he left he looked up, smiled and said that the stripper idea was great. Aghast I asked if his mother knew. His smile just got broader.

I'll be claiming sanctuary at St Andrews if anyone needs me.

Comments

[writersblock]

Now it's PG14 rated.

What a cute little guy, the baby that is.

[Johnny the Horse]

He's a good looking little fella, and has a wicked laugh.

[writersblock]

Your viewpoint is required at the following post:

http://built-for-comfort.blogspot.com/2005/02/perfectimperfect.html#comments

[writersblock]

Hi JtH,

My daughter is here with me. She studied Australia and says she is reluctant to go to Australia because there are fierce animals there such as the dingos and crocodiles. I said those animals aren't any worse than say a grizzly bear, but she needs to hear it from a native Australian.

Here she is: (It's now 7:05 pm, lets see how long it takes her to type and post)

Mom is crazy! She never said they were no more dangerous than grizzly bears. Is it true that there are 400 birds not found anywhere else in the world? I would like to go to Australia I just don`t want to meet the dangers.

[Johnny the Horse]

Dear Mini WB,

Yes. Your mother is crazy. That's settled then.

You know, I would love to come to Canada, but the Grizzly bears frighten me almost as much as freezing to death. But I suppose that you don't see too many bears driving down the main road, so it's pretty safe. The bears and the people tend to live separately and try not to annoy each other. I once lived next to a grizzly bear and his music was so loud I couldn't sleep, but I never said anything, because I like Canadians.

The Dingos and the Crocs can't afford the high rental in Sydney and so mainly live in country costal areas or in the bush. If you ever visit those places you go with a tour on a four wheel drive bus, and the Dingos and crocs don't even have enough money to have keys cut so they can't open the door. Simple.

The birds are probably the most amazing thing in Australia. There are so many colours and varieties and they all have different voices and songs. It's like a symphony orchestra full of punk rockers. A lot of our birds and animals are found only in Australia, and I wouldn't be surprised if 400 was correct.

I hope you do get the chance to visit one day. Although Australia is known for the strange and sometimes fierce wildlife, it is very rare that anyone is ever hurt by it. And when you see some of these animals up close in a zoo or wildlife sanctuary you will realize why they live in Australia. They are just plain lazy and couldn't be bothered to move.

So don't be afraid to visit. There are so many more good and interesting things than bad or dangerous ones. Thank you for writing. Don't be a stranger.

Hooroo

[writersblock]

Thanks. That made us all smile.

Mini WB thought that perphaps the bear was listening to one of those nature CD's with the sounds of running water and punk rocker birds. She had me print out the story so she could keep it.