I was away on holiday for Wednesdays episode of Outback Jack so my friend taped it for me. Unfortunately he took out the adds destroying at least half of the shows entertainment value. I had been looking forward to this episode from the previous weeks teaser as abseiling women in black Lycra has been a fantasy of mine for as long as I can remember. I am also laying bets on the winner. So many people here who read these OJ posts are dying to tell me that they have looked it up on the net, but I have threatened death to any who reveal the tantalizing secret that will be the finale to this visual extravaganza. I did however take a careful peek at some sites that didn't give away the ending and found this which should at the very least give Jack a larger vocabulary, even if he struggles with the accent.
Part four from the Bronzed Aussie post
Camels spit, complain, and are generally bad natured beasts who are not in any way indigenous to Australia, so they fitted the shows theme perfectly. Natalie, who I may say is entertaining in a droll southern belle sort of way mistook them for donkeys, but lets not quibble over that. Both Donkeys and Camels are mammals so kudos to her for not trying to place them in the reptile or insect families by which she is surrounded. The Donkey ride took our intrepid girls to the next water hole which was designed to display the girls high diving ability as they had to enter the water by jumping off a ledge which no camera angle succeeded in making look high or dangerous. Regardless of this the girls who had skydived in the first episode found the leap daunting. Due to the show having been taped, Mrs A. had her first taste of the girls and wondered whether Mary ever walked normally, or was so accustomed to photo shoots that she had performed a feat of Darwinian evolution and now could only move forwards if her breasts were leading the charge.
After the screaming, splashing and de wedgifying was complete and the girls were relaxing on dry land, JD arrived looking clean cut and well pressed as always. Douglas Adams once said that nothing travels as fast as bad news, to the point where a space ship was powered by it making it the fastest thing in the Universe. JD seems to have harnessed that power, for not is he only the harbinger of such news, but obviously arrives in the outback no more than five minutes after stepping out of his New York stylists front door. The girls and Jack seem to forget the idea of the show, as when JD arrives they all look shocked and mystified at his presence. The shock increased tenfold as ropes appeared at his command from the rock face above, and five women who are obviously the love children of Chanel and the Paramilitary abseil into our lives. These women are tall, muscular, tall, outdoorsy, tall, good looking and tall. For rugged chicks they are still well made up but they have the look of women who would smile politely whilst they tied you in knots.
Knowing that tomorrow will bring a challenge, both team Jack and team Lycra camp together that night. Team Lycra put up tents, tickle the bugs under the chin, light fires by looking at the logs in a menacing fashion and then try to fit in with team Jack by asking if they do any exercise other than shopping. This weeks quote goes to Courtney who states that the new girls may have muscles, but she has Tiffany.
Happily for the shows producer, the camp was not too far away from a natural obstacle course of hay bale walls, cargo nets and the like. Unhappily for team Jack the two groups had to negotiate this course as a team, and if team Lycra won, then Jack would be forced to send one of the social set home and replace her with one of the new girls. Did I mention they were tall? I have always liked the expression "fait a compli", and the race gave me the chance to use it. The last obstacle was a pool of mud with a rolling log the only way to traverse it. Seeing the original girls falling into the mud and being directed to try again should have been the main theme of the show, and if there had been some wrestling thrown in I would not have complained.
Sadly for Mary her breasts seem to be pointing homeward, and Jack was nice enough to tell her how much he liked her before booting her off the show. Her Amazonian replacement would have been my pick too, merely due to the fact that I would have had to ask her how she got a name like Meri-de. Jack, seeing the girls upset by the turn of events, gallantly took Meri-de away from them to let them regroup, by having dinner with her. During dinner the two of them discussed who was the tallest. Jack obviously knows that the way to a woman's heart is through her statistics.
I like Perth. I have even thought of making the move there. It's a small city, but beautiful with the Swan River snaking in and out, Kings Park providing a view of the CBD and surrounds. But New York it ain't. (Forgive me Westralians, I mean you no offence). After Jack and Meri-de got back to camp, JD, who must have been up way past his bed time, reappeared with more news. The outback had provided all that it could, and now it was time for the girls to get Jack in their own territory. The wild and untamed shopping malls, beauty salons and room service providing hotels of the city. JD stated that there was a four star hotel waiting for them in Perth. International viewers should be aware that Perth has five star hotels, so why the girls were booked into a four star, being the type of girls they are is an enigma. ( I have just spoken with my sister on the phone who worked at Perth Hilton for some time and she felt that it may be something to do with an affiliation of the production company to a certain hotel chain) After the deprivations of the bush Perth will hopefully fulfill the girls needs for city life. I just hope Perth can handle them.
The shows finale saw everyone at a small airfield ready to head for Perth. JD must have been feeling left out, and requested that more be written into his role, for at the airport he made his third announcement of the show. There was not enough room for all the girls on the plane. But before Jack made his decision the credits rolled and we were left hanging on our seats for the next instalment of citified Jack.